arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
