you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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