So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize