it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
