I think i peed on brittanys purse
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
