I'm sorry my penis didn't work
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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