so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize