Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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