I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
