During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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