Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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