He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize