She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
