i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
