Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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