So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
