do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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