The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
