i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
