found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
