Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
