i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
