Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
