You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
