I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
