YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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