hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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