Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
