omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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