I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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