I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize