I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
