Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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