you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
