I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
