the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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