you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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