i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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