Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
