I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
