So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
