I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
