I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
