I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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