Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
