You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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