Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
