I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She bit a glass in half.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
