never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
