You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
