He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize