My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
