Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
