Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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