I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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