The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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