really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
