So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
