how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
