I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
