From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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