i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
