It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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