if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
"it" just moved
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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