I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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