Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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