burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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