it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
