can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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