You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
