dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
