Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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