True but thats because hes a fetus.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
